| LOVE YOUR SELF |

Deep Rooted Emotions

And I do mean deep. SO deep you don't even know you are still carrying them with you or know they ever existed. 

I'm the midst of this whole anxiety/depression business I had two good friends pass away in a car accident. That's when I really hit rock bottom. But there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I strongly believe that the right people cross your path when you need it most. Along with my amazing therapist there's my wonderful friend Heilala aka Lala.

Around that time I was feeling very sick and I also had plantar fasciitis and tendinitis on my Achilles tendon- On the same damn foot! I had to wear a hideous boot and I could not dance- which is one of my favorite things to do. One night after a meeting Lala (check out her blog)-gave me a ride home. We got to talking about how things were going and about emotions and illnesses (physical and mental). She shared with me something that was changing her life-and I was and still am ALL ABOUT THAT. It was the The Emotion Code. 

"The Emotion Code, simply put, is a system created by Dr. Bradley Nelsom to find Trapped Emotions causing problems in the body and releasing them.

What are Trapped Emotions?

Trapped Emotions are exactly what the sound like. Emotions trapped energetically within the body. They were not fully processed and so they are still in the body, even if we are not feeling that emotion at the present moment."

I decided to give it a shot. Turns out I was dealing with not only current emotions but emotions that were trapped from my past. After just one session, the pain I had from my foot injuries along with a few other things went away. I was told I would have to do physical therapy for several months along with wearing that stupid boot. After that one session I tossed the boot and said good bye to physical therapy. 

In the past year I have done a few sessions with her and I am absolutely amazed of how helpful it has been. Sometimes we don't realize how much certain events in our lives impact us because we have consciously or subconsciously suppressed those emotions. It's astonishing how you can let go of the baggage by simply identifying what emotion is trapped and around what time in your life it is coming from. 

This post isn't just about the emotion code, but also the power of sharing your experiences, trials, and blessings with others. If it wasn't for me talking to my Bishop about my anxiety-I would have never met my therapist. If I had not opened up to Lala- she wouldn't have helped me with my trapped emotions. I would still be curled up in my bed, watching Netflix, driving aimlessly through my thoughts. 

All I am saying is...

And so it begins...

Imagine over time you have been consuming something toxic... 

so subtle you never suspected or noticed you were slowly dying. 

I was slowly dying...

mentally, spiritually, and physically. The toxic things I was consuming were: negative thoughts, disbelief, betrayal, unhealthy foods, complacency, mediocrity, and poisonous relationships.

I would say in general I have always been happy. However, over the years I started consuming all these toxic things with out realizing it. Before I knew it I was 25 with anxiety and depression. I never thought someone as "happy" as me could ever have anxiety or depression, much less both.

A few months before turning 26 I had my first anxiety attack. The feeling of not being able to control your thoughts and have them branch out like one of those crazy phone trees they set up in elementary school in case of emergencies-except you can't call anyone for help-freaked me out. I had definitely watched way too many movies that dealt with mental illness and also witnessed what it had done to people I knew that didn't get help-so i immediately called my doctor. Talk about paranoid right?
I am so glad i did though.

Over the course of the next year I began to see a therapist, took medication for a few months, and started opening up not only to those close to me but to my self.  My therapist, who's a damn good one, got to the root of a lot of malignant feelings, thoughts, and coping mechanisms I had developed that were slowly but surely deteriorating my mind, body, and soul. I had no idea that the consumption of all these toxic things made me into such a bully to my self. She opened up my eyes to a whole new world. I had become such a people pleaser I lost sight of who I was, what I loved, and where i wanted to be.

It has been a year and four months since my first anxiety attack. It has been a bumpy road overloaded with emotions, changes, adjustments, break downs, and new beginnings. In the last year I've made numerous changes-weeding out friends, change of employment, put my well being first, learned positive coping mechanisms, and most recently moved from Utah to Guatemala for some family time and random adventures.

I bought a one way flight and will be MIA for a few months. I'm defining this chapter of my life as The Sudden Detox. Detox of my mind, body, and soul.

I am not the most eloquent person and have never thought of my self as a captivating writer, but I am going to do it anyway. Because at the end of the day there will always be people criticizing, judging, and hating. Might as well do what ever the hell you want and be happy and let them drown in their bitterness.

In this blog I will share random stories, experiences, aha moments, quotes, and anything else that inspires me and/or motivates me to continue this journey of healthy happy living.