Imagine over time you have been consuming something toxic...
so subtle you never suspected or noticed you were slowly dying.
I was slowly dying...
mentally, spiritually, and physically. The toxic things I was consuming were: negative thoughts, disbelief, betrayal, unhealthy foods, complacency, mediocrity, and poisonous relationships.
I would say in general I have always been happy. However, over the years I started consuming all these toxic things with out realizing it. Before I knew it I was 25 with anxiety and depression. I never thought someone as "happy" as me could ever have anxiety or depression, much less both.
A few months before turning 26 I had my first anxiety attack. The feeling of not being able to control your thoughts and have them branch out like one of those crazy phone trees they set up in elementary school in case of emergencies-except you can't call anyone for help-freaked me out. I had definitely watched way too many movies that dealt with mental illness and also witnessed what it had done to people I knew that didn't get help-so i immediately called my doctor. Talk about paranoid right?
I am so glad i did though.
Over the course of the next year I began to see a therapist, took medication for a few months, and started opening up not only to those close to me but to my self. My therapist, who's a damn good one, got to the root of a lot of malignant feelings, thoughts, and coping mechanisms I had developed that were slowly but surely deteriorating my mind, body, and soul. I had no idea that the consumption of all these toxic things made me into such a bully to my self. She opened up my eyes to a whole new world. I had become such a people pleaser I lost sight of who I was, what I loved, and where i wanted to be.
It has been a year and four months since my first anxiety attack. It has been a bumpy road overloaded with emotions, changes, adjustments, break downs, and new beginnings. In the last year I've made numerous changes-weeding out friends, change of employment, put my well being first, learned positive coping mechanisms, and most recently moved from Utah to Guatemala for some family time and random adventures.
I bought a one way flight and will be MIA for a few months. I'm defining this chapter of my life as The Sudden Detox. Detox of my mind, body, and soul.
I am not the most eloquent person and have never thought of my self as a captivating writer, but I am going to do it anyway. Because at the end of the day there will always be people criticizing, judging, and hating. Might as well do what ever the hell you want and be happy and let them drown in their bitterness.
In this blog I will share random stories, experiences, aha moments, quotes, and anything else that inspires me and/or motivates me to continue this journey of healthy happy living.
A few months before turning 26 I had my first anxiety attack. The feeling of not being able to control your thoughts and have them branch out like one of those crazy phone trees they set up in elementary school in case of emergencies-except you can't call anyone for help-freaked me out. I had definitely watched way too many movies that dealt with mental illness and also witnessed what it had done to people I knew that didn't get help-so i immediately called my doctor. Talk about paranoid right?
I am so glad i did though.
Over the course of the next year I began to see a therapist, took medication for a few months, and started opening up not only to those close to me but to my self. My therapist, who's a damn good one, got to the root of a lot of malignant feelings, thoughts, and coping mechanisms I had developed that were slowly but surely deteriorating my mind, body, and soul. I had no idea that the consumption of all these toxic things made me into such a bully to my self. She opened up my eyes to a whole new world. I had become such a people pleaser I lost sight of who I was, what I loved, and where i wanted to be.
It has been a year and four months since my first anxiety attack. It has been a bumpy road overloaded with emotions, changes, adjustments, break downs, and new beginnings. In the last year I've made numerous changes-weeding out friends, change of employment, put my well being first, learned positive coping mechanisms, and most recently moved from Utah to Guatemala for some family time and random adventures.
I bought a one way flight and will be MIA for a few months. I'm defining this chapter of my life as The Sudden Detox. Detox of my mind, body, and soul.
I am not the most eloquent person and have never thought of my self as a captivating writer, but I am going to do it anyway. Because at the end of the day there will always be people criticizing, judging, and hating. Might as well do what ever the hell you want and be happy and let them drown in their bitterness.
In this blog I will share random stories, experiences, aha moments, quotes, and anything else that inspires me and/or motivates me to continue this journey of healthy happy living.
thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteLOVE THIS! Im excited to see where this journey takes you! You have my full support!
ReplyDelete